I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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