im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
FUCK WHALES
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
