I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
lets start a swedish sibling band together
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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