turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
