Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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