just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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