I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
