i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
