I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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