if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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