it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
