I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You need Xanax blowdarts
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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