I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
