I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wish there were birth control emojis
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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