I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
