We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
