i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
