u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.