i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
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Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
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So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.