I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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