I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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