so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
