Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
