You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
