apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
