I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
