it wasn't lemon gatorade
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
