oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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