I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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