But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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