I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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