We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
