i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
