just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
