dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
