There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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