Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Floor bacon is actually really good
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
