I'd wear matching sweaters with you
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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