that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
