youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
