Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
