I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
