Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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