last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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