my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
