I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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