Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
