I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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