Ketchup is God's man juice
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
i've created a new STD.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Randomize
