Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
