I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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