somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
