I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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