I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
