my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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