Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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