the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
