are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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