Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
