What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
