She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
