Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
