is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
