If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize