dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
