The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
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Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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