i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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