I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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