The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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